Perhaps The Advice You Got Was Backwards

This post is really a piggyback off of the last one, a little same, a little different. But sometimes the advice you're getting is backwards for your particular situation.

In the last post, I was talking about how sometimes I'll see posts, videos, clips, etc and think that it's not very good advice. Well in the process of me analyzing myself, I realized that sometimes the message is just backwards.

So take for instance the idea "Keep moving, don't ever stop! You'll never get to where you're going if you quit now!" Now for some folks this may be the motivation they need to keep pushing through whatever obstacle they're dealing with. It almost sounds like something you would hear a trainer say to their client in the gym, "Keep pushing!" And it's usually what the client wants and needs to hear, he's paying for someone to push him in that way.

Now, at times that kind of in your face, "tough love" type of "advice" is TOXIC! Especially when dealing with chronic conditions or traumatic situations. Those of us who don't know how we're going to feel one day to the next do not need to keep going, we need to stop and rest at times. I'm not talking about giving up. On the contrary. I'm talking about being smart and taking the time to learn yourself and your body. Find out how much you can do, do that and then rest. If all you do is get up, wash up and go lay back down, then you're good. Don't let those who have no idea what you're dealing with, make you feel bad for not doing more. Because the last thing you want to do is push yourself into a burnout or another flare. It's not worth it. 

In any case, it was just an observation of mine. These days, along with looking at just about everything online with skepticism, I take a little time to contemplate. What is this saying? What does it mean for me; or how am I interpreting it? Do I even care? There is so much information, misinformation and disinformation out in these internet streets that it's hard to tell. Protect your mind and your heart from those sneaky little devils that can become full blown demons if you don't keep your wits about you.

Take it easy!

Sometimes The Message Isn't For You

There are times when I'll run into a post on Instagram or Twitter and think, "That's really not good advice". I sometimes even question some of the speakers that I listen to the most. Most recently, I found myself at odds with something someone else said, and it really started to get on my nerves. 

Everywhere I look, everyone is talking about "Just let it go!". "Stop thinking about it!" "Gotta move on!" "Can't dwell in the past!" Now generally these sentiments are correct, it's important to not stay stuck mentally or emotionally. 

However, I'm moving through therapy right now and there's a lot that's coming up for me. It's important to look at what has happened, so I can understand how it's affecting me now. As I've been processing trauma, some of it very old - I realized that it wasn't like I was consciously holding on to the past. Quite the opposite! I was a run away ~ cutting off people and situations as soon as things started to get too complicated. When I'm serious about a person or situation, I can get intense and things can start getting messy. I have a history of not knowing what exactly to do with my feelings, so once I start feeling those intense emotions, I back off. 

Working out some of this stuff is difficult because, I'll talk about it for an hour in therapy, but then I've got a week of dealing with it on my own. I came to understand that it felt like the trauma was holding on to me, rather than me clinging to it. I've been trying to run away from it. The minute I could, I moved out of the house. Literally, the morning I graduated from high school, I was gone. Then after many years of running away from looking at what I was running from - it finally caught up with me. Now, I need sit with it, talk about it, learn from it - and then move on. 

So FOR ME, at this time in my life, it's important to go back and look at certain things. And hearing people just throwing out platitudes, got really irritating to me. So then I had to look at THAT and wonder, why does this bother me so much right now? I normally wouldn't think twice about it.

It was then I realized, that the message wasn't for me at the time. Possibly very helpful for those who needed to hear it, but it wasn't the encouragement I needed. But I did start paying attention. Sometimes I'll be scrolling and see or hear messages that completely contradict each other, one right after the other. Then I'll cruise through the comments and see what's going on there. People are so often hell bent on having their point of view validated that they will get into it with some other argumentative troll. I can say that sometimes it's very entertaining to read their back and forths, but after awhile, it's just gets tiring and really boring.

For anyone working through tough personal content, it's important to be discerning about what you allow to influence you. There are people with a ton of negative energy who need to share it with anyone who is willing to engage. Some podcasters deliberately ramp up the negativity in order to boost likes and comments - hoping to go viral. They may not even believe so deeply in what they're talking about, but because they've been able to get the audience up in arms, carrying on in the comments, they've accomplished their goal. 

If you're challenged with chronic illness, chronic pain or moving through trauma and triggers ~ perhaps it would be good advice to let some things go. Like unfollowing accounts and people that aren't serving you. If your desire is to unload some stress, that might be a good place to start. And if you happen to run across a message that you don't agree with, let that shit go too. As one of my good Sergeants used to say "If it don't apply, let it fly"

All the best!