The Lesson of The Lotus

We tend to romanticize relationships. We’re taught that falling in love is supposed to be this soft, pastel-colored sweep of joy—light, easy, beautiful. That somehow, once you find “your person,” everything wrong with your life will dissolve, and the rest of the path will be sunrises and shared playlists.

But the real purpose of relationship?

• It’s alchemy.
• It’s transformation.

And that process isn’t always pretty.

Because relationship is where our deepest projections come to the surface. That’s not a flaw—it’s actually the point. We come into romantic connection carrying our history, our trauma, our unspoken needs, our shadow selves. And when two people step into something intimate, all of that rises up—not to punish us, but to be seen. To be witnessed. To be worked through.

This is why relationship is sacred ground. Because projection is going to happen. It’s inevitable. But we get to choose where that projection lands.

If I’m out in the world, throwing my unresolved wounds at every passerby, that’s not healing—that’s chaos. But if I’m in relationship with someone I trust, someone who is also doing the work, then projection becomes a doorway. It becomes a conversation. It becomes a mirror we both agree to look into, even when what we see isn’t so pretty.

That’s why I believe relationships should be treated as intentional containers for growth. A shared space where we both agree to hold our own baggage and take responsibility for our own healing.

It’s not about trying to unpack the other person’s suitcase for them. It’s about saying, “I’ll carry mine, you carry yours, and we’ll walk this road together.”

Love can be nurturing. It can be supportive, inspiring, even intoxicating in the best way. But the relationship itself is often a battleground before it becomes a sanctuary. That’s not a failure of love—that’s the pathway to it. As Pat Benatar sang it, “Love is a battlefield.” And she wasn’t wrong.

You get to the light, not by skipping the mud, but by moving through it.

That’s the lesson of the lotus.