If you’ve followed any conversations about narcissism, you might’ve noticed a theme: it all starts to sound the same after a while. That’s because narcissists rarely switch up their tactics. Whether they show up in a suit, a silk bonnet, or a social media disguise, the game is the same. Different costume, same performance.
Why They Target You
When you attract a narcissist’s attention, it’s usually for one of three reasons:
- You reflect something they want – emotional depth, likability, or peace they can’t manufacture.
- You’re an empath – sensitive and attuned to others, which makes you vulnerable to manipulation.
- You triggered a narcissistic injury – maybe you embarrassed them, even unintentionally. Now they want payback.
They don’t show up with fangs. They arrive with curiosity and charm, studying your habits, language, friendships, even your weaknesses. At first, it may feel like admiration. But they’re gathering intel—because everything with them is strategy.
The Hidden Competition
Narcissists often envy those who are effortlessly warm, funny, or well-liked. They work hard to maintain influence, often leaning on money or manipulation to draw others in. Meanwhile, you might just be “Joe Regular”—a friendly neighbor who loves baseball and barbecues. And that burns them up.
They perform for love. You just are. And that difference drives them wild.
10 Classic Narcissist Games (and Why They Play Them)
- They hate your peace. Your rest reminds them of what they can’t feel.
- They enjoy disappointing you. It gives them a thrill to pull the rug from under your joy.
- They hold you to impossible standards. But they won’t hold themselves to any.
- They triangulate. Comparison is a weapon. They love to make you compete.
- They make everything about them. Even your trauma gets rerouted to their ego.
- They’re in secret competition. With everyone. But especially with you.
- They dismiss your dreams. But demand applause for their every step.
- They wear masks. One face for every setting, and no true identity beneath.
- They never let go. Control is their form of connection.
- They weaponize compliments. Flattery laced with a sting keeps you off-balance.
Examples in Real Life
Imagine being in the hospital and getting a visit from a narcissist. You expect comfort. Instead, they act jealous of the attention you’re receiving. Days later? They’ve got an illness of their own. Real or imagined, they can't let you be the center.
You ask them to grab popcorn. You’ve mentioned your favorite brand dozens of times. Still, they “forget.” You know it wasn’t an accident. The look on your face is the win.
They’re a chameleon. At work, they’re serious. At home, they’re goofy. Online, they're spiritual. Different friend groups would describe them as entirely different people—and that’s no accident.
Try leaving them, and the facade cracks. You’re no longer “special,” you’re “evil.” The tantrum begins—insults, rumors, even threats. The moment you step away, you learn just how fragile their mask really was.
Dismissive, Hypocritical, and Always the Victim
Narcissists rarely care about what matters to you. If you’re upset about a family issue, their advice might sound cold: “Just cut them off.” They don’t get that relationships matter. Unless it’s their relationship—then it’s sacred.
And don’t expect fairness. They’ll betray, criticize, even humiliate you—then expect loyalty in return. They're the ultimate hypocrites. Any concern you show gets dismissed. Any pain you express gets mocked.
Final Thought: Learn the Pattern. Walk Away Early.
Narcissists don’t evolve, they adapt. Same playbook, new disguise. That’s why survivors of narcissistic abuse often feel like they’re reading their own story when hearing someone else’s. It’s eerie how alike the experiences are.
Can we feel empathy for narcissists? Yes. But we don’t owe them access to our lives. Many are wounded, but that wound is no excuse for the wreckage they leave behind.
If you want love, peace, and connection—you’ll never find it inside a narcissist’s maze.
You only escape when you stop playing.
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