Recognizing the Narcissistic Spirit in Spiritual Spaces

 

In today’s spiritual spaces, there are many sincere teachers and guides doing the work with integrity and depth. But there is also a growing presence of something else—an energy pattern that disguises itself as wisdom, but at its core is nothing more than a narcissistic spirit.

How This Spirit Shows Up

• Charm with a Hook: The messages may sound uplifting or insightful at first, just enough to draw you in. But over time, the energy turns sarcastic, condescending, and dismissive.
• Refusal to Credit Others: These individuals rarely acknowledge who influenced them, unless doing so benefits their image. Genuine humility and gratitude are absent.
• Attention Greed: Their hunger for validation is never satisfied. Relationships with them are draining because they feed off constant attention and admiration. That drain can show up emotionally, mentally, and even financially—because these spirits thrive on taking more than they ever give back.
• Hyper-Sensitivity to Feedback: They cannot tolerate even mild disagreement. Any feedback that doesn’t flatter them is treated as an attack, and those around them quickly learn to silence themselves.
• Envy Disguised as Superiority: What they envy in others, they try to steal. They copy, co-opt, or minimize others’ work rather than honoring it.

The Hidden Cost: Betrayal Trauma

When someone gives their trust, time, money, and even their heart to a figure like this, the collapse is devastating. It’s not only about being deceived—it’s about realizing you handed over your discernment and autonomy to someone who did not deserve it. This creates a deep betrayal trauma that can linger for years, shaking your trust in yourself, in Spirit, and in others.

Recovery and Rebuilding

If you recognize yourself in this, know that healing is possible. Recovery often takes time, and it may feel like rebuilding from the ground up. Here are some steps that can help:

• Reclaim Your Discernment: Begin trusting your inner compass again. Journaling, meditation, or prayer can help you rebuild that quiet connection to your own truth.
• Detach from the Persona: Remember that the leader’s image was a mask. The energy was never about Spirit—it was about feeding their own hunger. That distinction matters.
• Seek Safe Community: Find spaces with teachers and peers who value humility, respect, and reciprocity. Healing in community can remind you that genuine spiritual connection is still possible.
• Be Gentle with the Timeline: Some people heal in months, others in years. Betrayal trauma cuts deeply, and it’s not a race to “bounce back.” Your healing will unfold in its own season.
• Reaffirm Spirit’s Presence: Just because you encountered a distorted version of spiritual authority doesn’t mean Spirit abandoned you. Spirit is still with you, waiting to reconnect on healthier, more life-giving terms.

Final Word: These narcissistic spirits are loud, flashy, and well-fed by algorithms and attention. But their power lies in deception and in draining others. By naming them clearly, by guarding your energy, and by reclaiming your discernment, you keep yourself free from their grasp and aligned with the deeper, quieter truths of Spirit.

Recovering The Use of my Hands

 

When I first lost the use of my hands, it felt like I was wearing extremely tight gloves, and my hands were ice cold. No matter what I did, I couldn’t warm them up. I would try to touch my face—since my cheeks were the only part of me that still had normal sensation—but even then, my hands didn’t feel cold to the touch. They weren’t physically cold, but the sensation was so intense that the medical staff assumed I was exaggerating my symptoms. In reality, the pain was constant and overwhelming. My feet experienced the same thing—tight socks, tight gloves, pain and numbness from my elbows down to my fingertips and from just above my knees down to my toes. There was no real sensation; doctors could prick me with a pen or pinch me, and I felt nothing except a numbing, burning pain, tingling, and the constant tightness of my joints.

I had to relearn everything. Feeding myself became my first goal. But the effort was so exhausting that I often fell asleep trying to eat a few spoonfuls of applesauce. My muscles had severely deconditioned from being bedbound, leaving me incredibly weak. Without sensation in my hands and with muscle tone still out of balance, something as simple as eating turned into hours of effort. Sometimes I would fall asleep mid-bite and wake up to applesauce everywhere.

I remember breaking down one day while still bedbound and unable to sit in a chair. I was trying to plug my USB cord into the charger and then into my phone, and I just couldn’t do it. Although my muscle tone was improving, my fingers still lacked sensation, and it felt like a cruel mismatch between strength and function. I’d pick up the charger, try over and over, fall asleep from exhaustion, wake up, and try again—sometimes ending in complete frustration and tears. I couldn’t understand why, after so much hard work rebuilding muscle, I still couldn’t complete basic tasks.

Another challenge was heightened sensitivity to electronics. Touchscreens felt like electric shocks, burning the tips of my fingers. Even plugging in a charger hurt. Filing or cutting my nails was nearly impossible—I had to rely on others because the pain was just too much.

I still live with that contradiction today. My hands and feet are strong, but without sensation, tasks remain incredibly difficult. I can’t hold a sandwich without it falling apart. I still eat with a built-up spoon and adaptive plate, and I still use a sippy cup. The frustration is relentless—knowing I should be able to do something, but my hands simply won’t follow through. And since we use our hands for nearly everything, the limitation affects me in a big way.

Recovery has been slow but steady. I’ve regained muscle use in my hands and feet, though the lack of sensation continues to interfere with daily life. Gross motor skills have come back better than fine motor skills. For example, handwriting is still a struggle—but I’m seeing improvement. Just today, I was proud to notice less shaking, less wobbling, and that I could hold the pen longer before needing a break. I even got through the entire exercise without stretching my fingers once, which felt huge.

Living in a medical center helps because I can ask for assistance with certain tasks, like putting on compression socks. But even small things can feel impossible. Something as trivial as unwrapping a Jolly Rancher or a miniature Reese’s cup becomes an exercise in patience—and sometimes I just give up and throw the candy across the room. It’s that mental tug-of-war between knowing I should be able to do it and facing the reality that my hands won’t cooperate.

One pattern I’ve noticed is that just before I regain new function, my pain and loss of sensation intensify. It feels like I’m moving backward, and then suddenly, I break through into new progress. I don’t know the medical term for this, but it’s real for me. Right now, I’m experiencing it in my left hand—my writing hand. I’d regained sensation up to the heel of my hand, but it suddenly reverted, and now the numbness reaches all the way to my wrist again. The frustration is real.

Still, I can’t complain too much. I’ve come a long way, and the progress continues, even if slowly. Since I’m so proud of how far my handwriting has come, I’ve decided to document it in a Twitter thread, starting from when I was admitted in May 2023. Below, you’ll find the link to that thread along with images showing the progress I’ve made.

Twitter 🧵: https://x.com/mrsearthastone/status/1956736140888690794?s=61

Practice makes progress! 📝 

It’s been a long road! Learning how to use my hands again has been the most challenging part of my recovery. You don’t know what you got till it’s gone! I’m getting there! The handwriting looks good! ⬇️ Holding the pen steady??  ABSOLUTE FRUSTRATION!🤬

The first thing I tried to write as I was in and out of consciousness. There was A LOT going on at the time, but I’ll get into that later.

“Arrest her”   “Close your mouth”

By this time, I was 60% conscious during the day and enjoying some hashbrowns I guess! 😋

‘Breakfast was good – hashbrowns again. I want to trying to hit 3 sentences. Trying to write three sentences.”

I just got my iPad and started trying to use the Penbook app to track my handwriting. It was difficult keeping the pencil to the screen, it kept slipping.

“Now this is what I’m talking about. This is what I was looking for. I wonder if I can find some connect the dots apps.”

Today! Still a little shaky, but definitely not as bad. The  letters S, O, G and the numbers 2, 8, and zero, give me the blues! 😭😩

Here I’m just documenting my Lenormand card reading. I’ve started doing daily readings and handwriting to work on gross and fine motor skills.

A Neurologist told me that with the rate of my recovery, if I recover fully, and there is a strong chance of that, that the recovery would be between two and four years. I hit two years, back in May! So I continue to pray for steady progress, and a full recovery! #Goals 🖊️

Affirmative Prayer: Aligning With God’s Promises

Affirmative prayer is a way of praying that begins from the conviction that God’s goodness is already present and active. Instead of pleading for help or asking for blessings as if they were absent, affirmative prayer speaks from a place of agreement with divine truth. It affirms what God has promised, declares it as already real, and invites the mind and heart into alignment with that reality.

This is different from traditional prayers of supplication, which are often requests born from a sense of lack or distance from God. In supplication, the posture is “God, please give me…” — as though God’s presence or help is something to be persuaded into action. In affirmative prayer, the posture is “I acknowledge and accept what God has already given, and I align myself with it.” It is prayer as a conscious participation in God’s abundance, rather than an attempt to convince God to act.

The idea has deep roots in New Thought and Christian Science teachings of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Writers such as Emmet Fox, Ernest Holmes, and Florence Scovel Shinn taught that prayer works not by changing God’s will, but by changing our consciousness to be in harmony with divine law. As Holmes wrote in The Science of Mind:

“Prayer is not an attempt to get God to do something for us; it is an attempt to get ourselves to accept the good that is already in store for us.”

Emmet Fox framed affirmative prayer as a declaration of truth:

“The art of life is to live in the present moment, and to make that moment as perfect as we can by the realization that we are in the presence of God.”

Even earlier, Mary Baker Eddy, founder of Christian Science, emphasized that prayer affirms the reality of God’s perfection and our reflection of it:

“Prayer cannot change the Science of being, but it tends to bring us into harmony with it.”(Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures)

An example of an affirmative prayer might be:

I am one with God’s infinite life, love, and wisdom. Every cell of my body is alive with divine health. I move forward in clarity, joy, and peace, knowing God’s good is unfolding now.

Unlike a plea for healing or help, this statement begins in agreement with divine truth and claims it as present fact. The purpose is not to ask for what is missing, but to affirm the wholeness, provision, and guidance that already exist in God’s reality — and to open ourselves to experience it fully.

Affirmative prayer is empowered prayer. It places the believer in active partnership with God, trusting that divine promises are not withheld but are constantly available. It shifts prayer from a posture of uncertainty to one of trust, gratitude, and conscious alignment — making it less about persuading God and more about awakening ourselves.

The Lord’s Prayer as an Affirmative Model

Jesus didn’t offer the Lord’s Prayer as a begging template; he modeled how to pray in alignment with God’s kingdom and goodness. Unity teaching describes it as “a clear and simple affirmative prayer, in perfect and powerful alignment with Unity principles about the nature of God, our relationship to God, and the creative spiritual work that is ours to do.” 

• Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name — Acknowledges that God is present, holy, worthy. It’s affirmation, not persuasion. 
• Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven — Invites divine order into our world. We’re aligning earthly reality with heavenly principles. 
• Give us this day our daily (supersubstantial) bread — Declares provision is here. “Daily” may mean “superessential,” reminding us that our needs are already met in the divine economy. 
• And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us — Confession met with communal grace. We’re affirming mercy within the relationship, not begging for it. 
• And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil — Not pleading for rescue, but affirming we are protected and guided. It’s a prayer for right direction.
• For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen — Ends with acknowledgment of God’s greatness and sovereignty. Amen itself means “let it be so.” 

This structure shows us that the Lord’s Prayer isn’t about convincing God to act — it’s about declaring what God’s presence already makes possible.

Quick-Start Guide to Affirmative Prayer

1. Begin with God’s nature.
   Set your prayer in truth: God is love, wisdom, strength.
   Example: “God is infinite wisdom and boundless love.”
2. Declare your oneness.
   Acknowledge your reflection of that nature.
   Example: “I am one with God’s life, wisdom, and strength.”
3. Speak the desired reality as present.
   Claim truths already active in divine order.
   Example: “Every step I take is guided in perfect clarity and peace.”
4. Anchor with gratitude.
   Give thanks as if what you affirmed is already here.
   Example: “I give thanks that this truth is already so, and I live in its blessing now.”

Sample Affirmative Prayers

Affirmative Prayer for Guidance

God is infinite wisdom and perfect direction. I am one with that divine wisdom now, and my mind is clear and receptive. Every choice before me is illuminated with understanding. I walk forward in peace, knowing that I am always guided to the right place at the right time. I give thanks for this truth, and I trust it fully now.

Affirmative Prayer for Healing

God is perfect life, wholeness, and vitality. That life flows through me now, restoring and renewing every cell, tissue, and organ. I am whole, vibrant, and strong. Divine health is my birthright and my present reality. I give thanks for this perfect life manifesting in me now.

Affirmative Prayer for Prosperity

God is infinite source and unfailing supply. I am one with that source, and I live in a universe overflowing with good. Opportunities, resources, and blessings flow to me easily and abundantly. My needs are met before I even speak them. I give thanks for this abundance and joyfully receive it now.

Closing

Affirmative prayer is more than a technique — it’s a shift in consciousness. It moves us from hoping God might respond, to knowing God’s good is already present and active. This way of praying invites us to speak in agreement with divine truth, not from lack, but from fullness. When we pray affirmatively, we’re not begging for what might be; we’re standing in what already is. In that place of alignment, gratitude flows naturally, peace deepens, and our lives begin to reflect the reality we’ve claimed.

How Media Shapes Our Preferences Without Us Noticing

Personal Observation

Over the years, I’ve realized how easy it is to lose touch with what we truly like or prefer. We live in a constant stream of media — videos, articles, podcasts, social posts — and all of it is quietly telling us what we should want, how we should think, and what “good taste” is supposed to look like.

Even as someone who has always considered myself strong-minded, I’ve had to decondition certain ideas. Some were easy to shed; others are still tangled in my thinking. Every now and then, I catch myself judging instead of thinking — not because I truly believe the judgment, but because I’m mentally exhausted. Judgment is quick. Thinking requires effort.

The Problem – Lazy Thinking and Media Conditioning

That habit — replacing thought with judgment — is human, but it’s also being fed by the way media works now. We consume so much “pre-packaged” opinion that we stop asking ourselves what we actually believe. We let algorithms feed us the same perspectives, the same sound bites, the same preferences. Over time, we start to repeat them as if they were our own.

Example – The Dating Podcast Echo Chamber

One place I see this is in dating podcasts. The hosts ask, “What are you looking for in a partner?” and the answers all sound the same.

For men, the current “acceptable” answer is: “I want a submissive woman.”

You almost never hear: “I like a strong-minded woman who challenges me. I like the charge when she disagrees with me — it lets me know she has her own mind.”

It’s not that no man feels that way — many do. But saying it out loud doesn’t fit the current script, so they stick to the safe answer. That safe answer isn’t always what they actually want, and in some cases, it backfires. The man who says he wants submissive might get exactly that, then find himself bored — and seeking excitement with the kind of woman he publicly dismissed.

The Bigger Picture – Algorithmic Tribe Mind

Social media has narrowed the range of what people feel safe to say. Preferences get shaped to match the algorithm’s reward system rather than the individual’s truth. Over time, this creates a “tribe mind” effect: we think we’re expressing ourselves, but we’re really just echoing the group.

That might be fine when we’re talking about broad cultural issues, but when it bleeds into our personal preferences, we risk living lives that don’t fit us — relationships, careers, lifestyles — all chosen to please the invisible audience rather than ourselves.

The Call Back to Self

The hardest part of breaking free from this is asking yourself: What do I actually like? What truly works for me? And then letting the answer stand, even if it’s unpopular or unexpected.

Because when we lose touch with our real preferences, we don’t just lose individuality — we lose the chance to live a life that actually satisfies us.

 

Progress Report - Health and Recovery Update

 

It’s been a challenging two years, to say the least. The first year of recovery was grueling physically, but I hit major milestones more often than I have in the past year. This second year’s slower progress has been its own kind of painful—less about the body and more about the emotional and mental toll. It has tested my endurance, my mental toughness, and my faith.

I’ve been told that if I stay consistent with my daily process, there’s a strong chance of a full recovery. I’m betting the house on it. Every day, I give it everything I have, and by nightfall I’m completely spent. If there’s even the slightest hope for a full recovery, I want to meet that turning point knowing I did everything in my power to usher it in.

This is my formal progress report—something I keep for my own journal, but also share with medical professionals who are new to my case. Because I’m dealing with a neurological injury, my previous reports are dense with detail. If you’d like to know more about what happened, I’ve included links below.

Progress Report – August 7, 2025

After a long plateau, I’m finally noticing meaningful shifts again in my recovery—some subtle, some significant. Here’s where things currently stand.

📅 Year One (May 2023 – April 2024)

I went from being completely bedbound—unable to roll over, sit up, or adjust myself—to sitting on the edge of the bed, standing with a walker, and eventually taking short, shuffling steps with a standard walker.

Blog Post: https://www.themysticalmadness.com/2024/08/back-again.html

Blog Post: https://www.themysticalmadness.com/2024/08/what-happened.html

📅 Year Two (May 2024 – Now)

Since year two began, I’ve transitioned to using a Rollator for about 95% of my physical therapy. On high-pain days, I still switch back to the standard walker, but that’s happening less and less.

🔄 Current Functional Changes

✋ Hands & Fingers

• I can now stretch out all of my fingers on both hands except for my left pinky, which has remained semi-contracted due to nerve dysfunction. I wore a splint to manage it for a while. The pinky still resists full extension, but I can now manually stretch it out and hold it straight for a bit. The nerve sensitivity running down my arm has also improved, and I no longer need the splint.
• Writing: I’ve started handwriting again daily. It takes time, but my writing is legible now—much clearer than it was last year.

🍽️ Eating & Utensils

• I’m still eating with adaptive utensils and plateware, mostly using the spoon. The biggest challenge is keeping my hand locked in position—I often have to stop and readjust my grip mid-meal. Still, I’m managing it steadily.

🦶 Feet & Toes

• I’ve regained independent movement in my toes. Previously, I could only move my foot and toes as one unit—now I can isolate toe movement on both sides.
• The muscles in the soles of my feet, which used to feel tight and balled up, have relaxed somewhat. I’m now able to place my feet flat and create a full step pattern, especially when moving slowly.
• Barefoot mobility: Still no change. I’m unable to stand or walk barefoot and need structured shoes to provide enough support for upright movement.

🦵 Ankles, Hips, and Steps

• Ankle strength continues to improve. Less wobble, but still not steady enough to walk unassisted.
• I can take 5–10 assisted steps with a nurse or therapist nearby. It’s shaky, but I can do it.
• The hip pain I had from overusing my feet to push a manual wheelchair (since my hands couldn’t) has mostly resolved now.

🧠 Neurological Sensory Update

👂 Hearing

• Back in May 2023, I lost about 70% of my hearing. I could hear muffled sound and feel that people were speaking, but I couldn’t decipher words—just vague noise.
• An ENT confirmed it wasn’t an ear issue, but rather neurological hearing loss, with a problem in clarity, not volume.
• As of now, I’d say I’m back to 65–70% hearing, depending on the environment.
  
• In quiet one-on-one conversations, especially if I can see someone’s lips, I can usually hold a conversation without anyone realizing I have a hearing impairment.
• In crowded or noisy spaces, everything blends together—it becomes static-like and overstimulating, making it hard to separate voices or sounds.
• I used to be completely unable to tolerate music. Now I can listen to songs I already know by focusing on the rhythm and singing along to maintain cognitive-musical pathways. I still can’t listen to new or unfamiliar music without getting disoriented.
• The biggest improvement since last year: I can now locate the source of sound. Before, if someone spoke on my left, I’d often hear it only on the right or have to scan the room to find where it came from. That spatial distortion has resolved.

👅 Taste

• My sense of taste is still unpredictable. Some days, food tastes normal. Some days, everything is flavorless, like I’m eating just for fuel.
• Occasionally, things taste wrong or strange, and I default to snacking instead.
• Early on, coming out of delirium, everything tasted unusually intense and amazing—especially mashed potatoes. For about two months, I ate them every day because they tasted like the best food on Earth. Then one day they just… didn’t. Now they taste normal. The hypersensory response is gone, replaced with either regular taste or none at all.

📈 Focus Areas Going Forward:

• Flexibility & Endurance
• Continued work on finger and toe isolation
• Building barefoot tolerance (if possible)
• Strengthening cognitive-auditory processing
• Managing sensory overwhelm and grounding during overstimulation

The work continues. Some things have resolved. Others are just now beginning to shift. But the direction is forward.