Performative Femininity vs. The Divine Feminine

 

There’s a lot of content out there—ideas, vlogs, podcasts—talking about feminine energy. You’ll find YouTube channels popping up with both women and men discussing what it means to embody feminine energy. It can be overwhelming, and there’s quite a bit of misinformation floating around.

Part of the problem is that we’re socialized to compare and compete. In the collective conversation on feminine energy, this has turned into women competing over who is more “feminine.” You also see men sharing their opinions on what they think defines feminine energy in a woman. Honestly, I’m starting to find the whole conversation a bit ridiculous.

Just like I wake up every morning as a woman, I also wake up with feminine energy. In fact, we all do—men and women alike. It’s part of our energetic makeup, just present in different quantities in each person. The same is true for masculine energy.

Where I think the conversation has gone off track is that many people focus on shallow characteristics. What’s being discussed is “performative femininity,” which involves outward expressions like wearing makeup, dresses, or getting dolled up. While fun and attention-grabbing, these things aren’t exclusively feminine—we know this because men can also participate in these behaviors for the same reasons.

Currently, there’s a cultural obsession with a certain look as the “feminine ideal.” I find the idea of defining feminine energy this way unsettling. The expression of feminine energy is so much deeper, richer, and more complex than how it’s portrayed on social media.

Anyone can put on a wig, beat their face, slip into a tight dress, grab a Gucci bag, and throw on red bottoms for some Instagram selfies. But this does not capture the true essence of feminine energy.

A better way to explain masculine and feminine energies is to recognize that we need both for the world to function. Masculine energy is active—ambitious, competitive, and striving. Feminine energy is more passive—focused on relationships, harmony, and nurturing. Even these definitions are limiting because masculine and feminine energies exist on a spectrum. If we wanted to dive deeper into feminine energy, we would explore both the creative and destructive sides of the divine feminine.

Feminine energy is about yielding, acquiescing, and reflecting. It’s quiet, thoughtful, nurturing, and supportive, often compared to the ocean. In calm waters, you can float and be carried effortlessly. But feminine energy can also be wild and untamed—deep, powerful, and sometimes destructive.

What I see on social media is an attempt to put feminine energy in a box—to define it, give it a specific image, and encourage women to fit into that mold. Ironically, trying to contain or label feminine energy is a very masculine thing to do. Even those so-called “feminine energy coaches“ who promote a certain feminine ideal are operating in masculine ideas of what femininity should be.

True feminine energy is not something you can label or put in a box. It’s creative, chaotic, and fluid. When masculine and feminine energies work together harmoniously, new worlds are formed, new life is created.

Feminine energy doesn’t have a specific look; it has a feeling. It isn’t exclusive to one gender or even to humans. The current conversations around what feminine energy is or isn’t often create more confusion than clarity.

For both men and women, to connect with your feminine energy, sit still. Breathe deeply. Let your thoughts and feelings simply exist without trying to understand or control them. If you can relax into that state, you’ve tapped into the essence of feminine energy. By meditating and connecting with it more often, you may notice heightened intuition, smoother relationships, and deeper insights into yourself and those around you. Through this awareness, you can begin to create more depth and love in your life. It’s all very natural, normal. Don’t complicate it. 

Dominant vs. Domineering Masculine Energy

I've been noticing a growing focus in the media about women embracing traditional, submissive, and feminine roles. There are many different perspectives on this topic, and I'm not here to take sides. However, I do want to highlight an important distinction for women who identify as more traditional: the difference between positive, loving, dominant masculine energy and negative, domineering, controlling masculine energy.

As a traditional woman, there are certain qualities you naturally seek in a partner. You're likely drawn to someone confident with natural leadership abilities—a man who knows what he wants and takes decisive action to achieve it. You admire his strong will, drive, determination, and attention to detail.

Both the dominant man and the domineering man may exhibit these qualities, making it difficult to distinguish between them at first. Both types of men are self-assured and confident in their ability to get what they want. On the surface, they may even appear equally protective.

However, this is where the differences begin to emerge. While a positive, dominant man is protective and perhaps a bit territorial of his loved ones and property, a domineering man’s so-called protective nature manifests as controlling behavior. At first, the distinction may be subtle, but it’s significant: the dominant man seeks to protect; the domineering man seeks to control.

Similarly, the ambition we admire in a dominant man can become ruthlessness in a domineering man. The respect we naturally give to a dominant man can turn into fear in the presence of a domineering one. This is why, as traditional women, it’s essential to approach "Red Pill" content creators with caution. Trusting these men in a relationship can be dangerous because their views often skew towards controlling, possessive, and dismissive attitudes towards women’s naturally sensitive emotional nature.

For us to continue to be the loving, nurturing women we are, we must feel safe. Otherwise, we become emotionally unstable, hyper-vigilant, always on guard, and unable to be vulnerable. Many of these "Red Pill" advocates seem to aim to place women in a vulnerable state to take advantage of them.

Therefore, it's crucial for us, as women, to know what we’re looking for in a partner. If a man is constantly critical of women but then cracks a side smirk and says, "Oh sweetheart, you know I’m not talking about you," you've just seen your first red flag. Govern yourself accordingly.